the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
