You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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