I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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