Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
