apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's rum buckets o'clock
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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