my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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