the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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