quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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