Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
