i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
