my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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