tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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