She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
