I look better un-naked...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
