Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
