When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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