A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
