Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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