I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
