I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
