do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
