He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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