i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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