My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
