Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
