My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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