Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
