i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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