Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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