i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
