After last night, I could never be a politician.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
