I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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