I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
