Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
