I want to have your abortion
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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