I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
