11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
