i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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