If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
