We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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