Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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