It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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