I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
