The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
