And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
