Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
