He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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