I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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