She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
