I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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