did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
