You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
