Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
