My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
